>> > 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in

>> > hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by

>> > Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants

>> > have to live elsewhere.

>> >

>> > 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first

>> > book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an

>> > apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my

>> > brother's son?"

>> >

>> > 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made

>> > unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

>> > Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He

>> > died before he ever reached Canada.

>> >

>> > 4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

>> >

>> > 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them

>> > we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a

>> > female moth.

>> >

>> > 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of

>> > that name.

>> >

>> > 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving

>> > people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose

>> > of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic

>> > decline.

>> >

>> > 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the

>> > biscuits, and threw the java.

>> >

>> > 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls

>> > people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very

>> > long.

>> >

>> > 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of

>> > Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was

>> > going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

>> >

>> > 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by

>> > playing the fiddle to them.

>> >

>> > 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard

>> > Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged

>> > twice for the same offense.

>> >

>> > 13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest

>> > writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and

>> > verses and also wrote literature.

>> >

>> > 14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an

>> > apple while standing on his son's head.

>> >

>> > 15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a

>> > success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all

>> > shouted "hurrah."

>> >

>> > 16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg

>> > invented removable type and the Bible. Another important

>> > invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a

>> > historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started

>> > smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100

>> > foot clipper.

>> >

>> > 17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William

>> > Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his

>> > birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of

>> > his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all

>> > in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a

>> > heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

>> >

>> > 18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.

>> > He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.

>> > Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote

>> > Paradise Regained.

>> >

>> > 19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus

>> > was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about

>> > the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the

>> > Santa Fe.

>> >

>> > 20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called

>> > Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the

>> > settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain

>> > John Smith was responsible for all this.

>> >

>> > 21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English

>> > put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their

>> > parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists

>> > won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from

>> > the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas

>> > Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of

>> > the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity

>> > by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided

>> > against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still

>> > dead.

>> >

>> > 22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to

>> > secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people

>> > enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

>> >

>> > 23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His

>> > mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he

>> > built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by

>> > signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

>> >

>> > 24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.

>> > Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

>> >

>> > 25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly

>> > noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the

>> > trees.

>> >

>> > 26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a

>> > large number of children. In between he practiced on an old

>> > spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to

>> > the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and

>> > so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half

>> > English. He was very large.

>> >

>> > 27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf

>> > he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when

>> > everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later

>> > died for this.

>> >

>> > 28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and

>> > catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his

>> > power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any

>> > children.

>> >

>> > 29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British

>> > Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

>> >

>> > 30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for

>> > 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death

>> > was the final event which ended her reign.

>> >

>> > 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts

>> > and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started

>> > reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a

>> > network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the

>> > McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

>> >

>> > 32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin

>> > was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie

>> > discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

>> >

>> > 33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the

>> > Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of

>> > human history.

>> >